Chapter 75: Mother's Day 2013

You have filled my heart. 

A heart that I thought was full when you were born. Oh no... my heart surely has expanded to full compacity. This was my first Mother's Day and it was wonderful to be able to celebrate being a 

M-O-M! 

There are many things that one wishes for in life. One of my wishes was to be a Mom.  I wanted to be that Mom that had her girls in the biggest bows & ruffled dresses. Or that Mom that had her boys in cleats, with a bat, and ball in hand!  I wanted to be a school room Mom and the Mom that planned fun birthday parties. I wanted to watch little faces light up on Christmas morning and smiles as Easter Eggs were opened. I wanted so many wonderful things!  God granted my wish and man are there things that have changed. 
Just to name a few...
In the beginning, staying up countless hours a night to feed you two. (you now sleep great!!)  7 months and counting (who's counting?? Ummm, ME!) of pumping throughout the day so you littles can have breast milk. Getting up at 5:30am to work out.  Waking up early every day. EVERY weekend! *(I'm a sleeper, so this is tough!) Doing load after load of laundry. Worrying about absolutely everything, but knowing that you are juuuust fine. Sitting through Baby Einstein and Mickey Mouse Club. Cleaning up mess after mess, toy after toy.  Changing diaper after diaper....after diaper!
 Listening to your cry's and wanting to take ever fear and hurt away from you.  Looking at your sweet faces as you sleep and wishing that you'd wake up. Holding you tight and wanting time to stop. Spending time crossed legged on the floor as we read books and play with toys. Watching you grow and wishing you would stop. Yes, I have made sacrifices. But, what wonderful sacrifices they have been.

 I look back on the 5 years that Michael and I had without the girls, and granted they were great, but the past 7 months have kicked the last 5 years out of the water.  God had you each planned perfectly for us and in His timing.

{H & L:} 
I would do anything for the two of you. ANYTHING! The love I have is just wordless. It's the big, tear-filled, joyous love that you can only have for your children that makes you a Mom. That love makes me a better person. That love makes me a better Christian. That love makes me strong. That love makes me... "Mom!"

Your Daddy and I love you so much and we feel so lucky to call you our own. You are our dream come true. 

 You are my everything! Thank you Lord for giving me my wish. You gave me two... and for that I give my everything to you.

I love you my littles,

Mommy 

 

For those women who have gone through sadness through miscarriages, infant loss, or infertility, please know that I pray for you daily.  I know the struggles, tears, and frustrations that come with trying to conceive children. Sometimes we wonder why God takes so long to answer our prayers.  They will get answered! He is with you along your hard journey. Every journey has a end. A end that is with Him. But, your journey will be blessed.  It just may not be in your timing.  We do not know why God puts us through this hard walk of life, but I truly believe that our experiences only make us stronger. Lift your hands to him and He will lift you through these tough trials. Please feel free to email me personally if you need someone to talk with about these struggles. May you find patience and peace in this difficult season. 
 For the Bible instructs us to "Be strong and courageous...for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. 
He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Just knowing we are not going through this season alone offers a peace that cannot be found anywhere else.